yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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