I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Randomize
