Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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