just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
