Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
