I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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