why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
he was CRYING into my vagina
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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