Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
