Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
