This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
