its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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