So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
