I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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