Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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