You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
