I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
