Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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