So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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