I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
