So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Randomize
