i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
