just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
