I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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