He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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