Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I AM VODKA MAN
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
