yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
