The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
