You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
