The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
