That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
