i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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