I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize