I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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