Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
