You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
