a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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