Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
