what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
