I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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