She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
