I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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