there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
