And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
