oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
