I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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