I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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