so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
