The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
