Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
