Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes