I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!