if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.