I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i love accidental penises.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
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She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
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Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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