Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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