drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.