20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
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