I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
