No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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