How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
two words...techno handjob
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
