I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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