Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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