Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
