I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
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And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
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Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷