Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Come camping we have xanax and steaks