Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.