Quick, to the slutcave!
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.