do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
