Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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