Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
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