She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
