Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
