gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I have tasted many bathrooms
That was before I lit my hair on fire
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
