We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
