I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
