are you so shy because you have an std?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
this boner is exhausting
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
