That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
