Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I need to calm my uterus...
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
