I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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