Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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